so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
