Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
