her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
