Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
