He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
