Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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