I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just pee around me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
