spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
