wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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