When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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