I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
