Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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