keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
