I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
