I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
