There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
foreskin is a definite game changer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
