Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
