Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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