Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
