omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
