anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize