Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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