last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it because I queefed?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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