So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
