Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
