I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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