I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
