Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
