it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
