dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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