So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
