...so i touched it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
