I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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