Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just puked most of my soul out..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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