I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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