Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
