I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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