I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
