I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
