porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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