woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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