Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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