Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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