Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
