he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize