I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
