You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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