he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
