Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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