the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
