she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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