when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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