My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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