My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
