i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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