woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
