my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
