I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
