Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
