it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize