Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
