Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
