So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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