i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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