Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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