Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize