Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
