Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
