I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
