i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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