party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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