im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
