Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
