I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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