I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
